Tuesday 28 October 2014
Choosing a Secondary School -Janie
I never realized how hard it could be finding a suitable school for my daughter who has a statement of special educational needs. My son was so easy, he is a sociable boy and there was no difficultly moving him from our village primary school to our catchment secondary school. It helped that everyone in his class was going there too and it had a very good reputation. A no-brainer really.
With K it is a totally different kettle of fish.
I shouldn't really complain, we are lucky that there is so much choice and no really bad schools. I know in some places there is no choice at all and only mediocre education. Too much choice can be a terrible thing though!
I should start by explaining that my daughter is handicapped by her anxiety which is why she is statemented to begin with. She has great social skills, always behaves at school and is a bright spark although very behind academically in some areas because she has missed so much school over the years. Unfortunately though, her level of anxiety is over the top and she worries about the slightest thing, often things that seem stupid to most people.
To begin with we had at least four possible schools but it was fairly easy to strike two off the list. My husband teaches at one and felt that it would be difficult for both of them if she was at the same school. The second school we struck off the list was our catchment school. This was because K's peer group in our village started at the school in September but K has gone back a year at primary to help her catch up a bit on what she has missed. When she becomes a year 7 all the children that she started primary school with will be year 8. She doesn't like the idea of this and thinks she would be teased by the other kids about it.
I decided the best thing was to visit the two remaining schools by myself first. School A looks wonderful and the students giving the guided tour were lovely. Every class seemed to be working quietly and there was an atmosphere of calm. Sounds great, but... I didn't click with the learning support staff. They didn't sound very optimistic about her chances of settling well and even suggested that we look at a specialist independent school in Cambridge, The Red Balloon Learner Centre.
Without an attempt at a mainstream secondary school first, I don't think we have a cat-in-hells chance of the local authority paying for a place at an independent school.
School B is very run down looking and on the up rather than at the top of its game. It is a victim of not being so good in the past so many parents are choosing alternative, better performing schools. This unfortunately means most kids in K's school will not go to school B despite it being the catchment school. What worries us as parents is that only the families who can't be bothered to look around will be sending their kids there. As my husband is a teacher he is very familiar with the 'Don't care about education' families- they are the parents who never come to Parents Evening but are the ones the teachers most need to see. School B is not as impressive as School A and offers a lot less choice in the curriculum and extra-curricular activities, but.... the learning support team seemed so much more nurturing and familiar with children with similar difficulties to K.
So my husband and I spent hours trying our best to predict the future- which school should we choose? In the end it was fairly straightforward, we chose the school we thought it would be easier to get K into in the mornings. She came with me to look at both. She said she liked School A but the following morning told me she didn't like 'the ladies' of the learning support team. When we visited School B she came away smiling and immediately said that was where she wanted to go, she felt safer there. It is usually best to trust your intuition especially when your child agrees with it!Will it be the best choice? I don't know yet, but nothing is forever, if it doesn't work out there will be other options. What I do know is that K has made enormous progress in the last 10 months and who knows how different things might be in another10 months. Janie x
Banana and Walnut Cake -Janie
I am going away for a few days and had some old bananas to use up, what a great excuse to make my favourite banana loaf cake!
Ingredients
175g plain flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp salt
125g melted butter
150g golden caster sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla essence
4 small (or 2 large) bananas
100g walnut pieces
100g sultanas
Fan Oven at 170 degrees
Method
Janie x
Ingredients
175g plain flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp salt
125g melted butter
150g golden caster sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla essence
4 small (or 2 large) bananas
100g walnut pieces
100g sultanas
Fan Oven at 170 degrees
Method
- Put the oven on to warm up.
- Mix all dry ingredients (except the sultanas and nuts) in one bowl.
- Melt the butter and add sugar and vanilla essence, mix well.
- Mash the bananas and add to the butter mixture.
- Crack the eggs into the wet mixture and combine well.
- Add the flour a tablespoon at a time and mix well after adding each spoonful.
- Add the nuts and sultanas and combine.
- Pour into a large loaf tin lined with baking parchment.
- Bake for 1 hour, or until well risen and a skewer comes out clean.
- Cool in the tin then eat!
Janie x
 |
| Half gone already.. |
Butternut squash soup, with a hint of Asia -Jen
This soup will warm both your body and your soul on a chilly autumn evening.
Serves 4
Ingredients
Method
Jen xx
Serves 4
Ingredients
- 2 medium butternut squash
- 1 yellow onion
- 1-2 garlic gloves
- 500ml hot vegetable stock
- 300ml coconut cream
- Olive oil
- Cayenne pepper, a small pinch
- 1 tsp. turmeric
- 1 tsp. coriander seeds, crushed
- Sea salt
- Fresh coriander (Cilantro)
Method
- Preheat the oven to 200C
- Cut the squash into large chunks and toss in large roasting tin with a generous glug of olive oil. Roast for 30 minutes until soft, turning occasionally.
- Whilst the squash is in the oven, slice the onion and sweat in a pan until soft. Add garlic and spices.
- When the squash is done, pop it into the pan and add the coconut cream (leaving some for decoration) and half the stock.
- Mix with a stick blender until smooth, adding the rest of the stock until the soup has reached your preferred thickness. Season to taste.
- Pour into bowls and decorate with a drizzle of coconut cream (you might want to thin the cream with a little water or stock) and some freshly chopped coriander leafs.
Jen xx
Thursday 23 October 2014
My lymphoedema story so far.. - Jen
Following my treatment for cervical cancer in January 2009,
I was left with lymphoedema in my right leg and groin.
This was something I was unprepared for, and also something that seemed more difficult than it should have been for doctors to diagnose.
I was told by my GP that the swelling wasn't severe enough for a referral to the lymph clinic, and I was told by a doctor at the hospital that I should just be grateful I beat the cancer and was alive.
And I was happy to be alive, of course I was, but that didn't stop me from trying to manage my lymphoedema. On the contrary, being a survivor just makes me want to live and enjoy life to my best ability every day. And a big leg and all that lymphoedema entails is not going to hold me back!
After two years I was finally referred to the lymph clinic, if I had known then, what I know now I would definitely have pushed for it to happen sooner. But having gone through the whole cancer ordeal, I was trying to find my feet again and dealing with a condition that I'd hardly even heard about before was just to much to take in at that time.
At my first appointment at the lymph clinic my leg was measured and it turned out that I had an extra 1.6 litres in my right leg compared to my left. That is almost like strapping a big bottle of fizzy pop to your leg. No wonder my back had been aching..
My consultant was very helpful, she booked me in for MLD, manual lymph drainage, and ordered me compression tights. She also told me how to manage my affected limb, the importance of skin care etc. It might sound like it would be quite straight forward to manage this condition. However that is not the case as I soon found out.
I suffer from recurrent cellulitis, an infection of the deeper layers of the skin, usually caused by the bacteria streptococci or staphylococcus aureus. This is common to people with lymphoedema.
The causes of cellulitis can include:
Symptoms can include:
Well, I am hoping that I might have found the reason but it's still early days so I'm not putting my party hat on just yet.
However, after trying to get on top of a systemic yeast infection (Candida) for years, due to all the antibiotics I had been taking because of the cellulitis. (Cellulitis-antibiotics-candida-cellulitis-antibiotic-candida..you see the pattern.) I finally realised after doing some research myself, that my doctor hadn't given me a strong enough dose of antifungals. I had been on 50mg for two weeks, which is not nearly enough. After speaking to my doctor, I took 200mg of Fluconazole on the first day, and then 100mg for a month. This made a difference straight away!
I did try to go about it the natural way first, using coconut oil, oregano oil, garlic etc. And I still use that approach, but hopefully I'll be able to get on top of it now, attacking the fungus from all directions (although not overdoing it as this apparently can make them more resilient).
My plan is to use both the antifungals (Fluconazole) and the natural approach to start with, and then just continue with the natural remedies plus a low sugar and carb diet. I'll let you know how I get on.
I will write a post about how diet can help you manage your lymphoedema in a later post.
This is glimpse into my lymphoedema story, and not a professional opinion.
Please feel free to take part in this post by adding your comments. I'd love to hear your story too.
Love Jen xx
I was left with lymphoedema in my right leg and groin.
This was something I was unprepared for, and also something that seemed more difficult than it should have been for doctors to diagnose.
I was told by my GP that the swelling wasn't severe enough for a referral to the lymph clinic, and I was told by a doctor at the hospital that I should just be grateful I beat the cancer and was alive.
And I was happy to be alive, of course I was, but that didn't stop me from trying to manage my lymphoedema. On the contrary, being a survivor just makes me want to live and enjoy life to my best ability every day. And a big leg and all that lymphoedema entails is not going to hold me back!
After two years I was finally referred to the lymph clinic, if I had known then, what I know now I would definitely have pushed for it to happen sooner. But having gone through the whole cancer ordeal, I was trying to find my feet again and dealing with a condition that I'd hardly even heard about before was just to much to take in at that time.
At my first appointment at the lymph clinic my leg was measured and it turned out that I had an extra 1.6 litres in my right leg compared to my left. That is almost like strapping a big bottle of fizzy pop to your leg. No wonder my back had been aching..
My consultant was very helpful, she booked me in for MLD, manual lymph drainage, and ordered me compression tights. She also told me how to manage my affected limb, the importance of skin care etc. It might sound like it would be quite straight forward to manage this condition. However that is not the case as I soon found out.
I suffer from recurrent cellulitis, an infection of the deeper layers of the skin, usually caused by the bacteria streptococci or staphylococcus aureus. This is common to people with lymphoedema.
The causes of cellulitis can include:
- Insect or animal bites
- Fungal infections
- Sunburn
- Cuts or grazes
- Cracked dry skin
- Overheating the affected area (saunas, hot tubs, steam rooms, sun bathing)
- Weakened immune system
Symptoms can include:
- Pain and tenderness to the affected area
- Warmth
- Redness and inflammation
- Muscle aches
- Vomiting
- Fever
- Fatigue
- Use an insect repellent lotion. I add a couple of drops of essential oils that I know the little bugs don't like to my moisturiser. My favourites are tea tree oil, lavender and lemon. But only add a little as you don't want to irritate the skin.
- Treat any fungal infections.
- Use a high factor sun screen.
- Don't walk barefoot (if you have lymphoedema in your lower body)
- Make sure to strengthen your immune system. Get plenty of sleep, eat a healthy balanced diet and find an exercise that suits you. Swimming and rebounding are usually good exercise for people with lymphoedema.
- Good skin care. Dry brush your skin and moisturise, moisturise, moisturise! But avoid perfumed lotions and creams as they can have a drying effect on the skin.
Well, I am hoping that I might have found the reason but it's still early days so I'm not putting my party hat on just yet.
However, after trying to get on top of a systemic yeast infection (Candida) for years, due to all the antibiotics I had been taking because of the cellulitis. (Cellulitis-antibiotics-candida-cellulitis-antibiotic-candida..you see the pattern.) I finally realised after doing some research myself, that my doctor hadn't given me a strong enough dose of antifungals. I had been on 50mg for two weeks, which is not nearly enough. After speaking to my doctor, I took 200mg of Fluconazole on the first day, and then 100mg for a month. This made a difference straight away!
I did try to go about it the natural way first, using coconut oil, oregano oil, garlic etc. And I still use that approach, but hopefully I'll be able to get on top of it now, attacking the fungus from all directions (although not overdoing it as this apparently can make them more resilient).
My plan is to use both the antifungals (Fluconazole) and the natural approach to start with, and then just continue with the natural remedies plus a low sugar and carb diet. I'll let you know how I get on.
I will write a post about how diet can help you manage your lymphoedema in a later post.
This is glimpse into my lymphoedema story, and not a professional opinion.
Please feel free to take part in this post by adding your comments. I'd love to hear your story too.
Love Jen xx
Friday 17 October 2014
My story - Janie
It's hard to know where to begin so I hope this isn't too rambling. This blog was the brainchild of Jen's, she has the good ideas and is always so positive about life. Hopefully our blog will help us with the changes we both want to make in our lives so we are no longer stuck in the toffee but floating on marshmallows! If it helps anyone else on their journey it will be even better.
I am in my mid-forties, a wife to a secondary school teacher and mum to two children, my son is seventeen and doing A levels, my daughter is eleven and in her final year of primary school. I don't work at the moment and hate to call myself a housewife. It sounds so straightforward, but we all know life never is quite how it seems.
Without boring you with all the details I feel it might be useful to say what I have experience of- these are subjects I may write about over the coming days, months and years.....
I have personal knowledge of birth and death; my own difficult attempts at childbirth and losing my father to cancer when I was nineteen.
I know about following a dream to become a doctor then leaving my career to care for my family. I haven't been able to return to my previous career which has taken a long time to get over. I am still struggling with what to do next, I feel that I have so few skills but am overqualified at the same time. I am hoping this blog and spending time with the lovely Jen will help me find a happy solution to what I should do with my time.
I certainly know what it is like to be a lone parent. I left my career to enable my husband to continue his. Prior to retraining as a teacher in 2010 my husband was an officer in the Royal Marines and away from home for a lot of the time with work. My son was born in Exeter and my daughter was born in Newcastle upon Tyne, although we moved to Cambridge when she was a tiny baby. We didn't want the kids to spend their childhoods moving every couple of years so decided to stay put in Cambridge. I still don't know if this was for the best, we had roots, but not the support of other families in the same situation as us. Both children found it hard to have a dad who wasn't around for ages and then would suddenly appear again. I found it hard.
I also know how important our own health is, my life has been plagued at times by illness, both physical and mental, which has affected those I love the most as well as having a life-changing effect on me. I became ill at the age of twenty-one with ME, commonly called 'yuppie flu' back then, which stopped me in my tracks for over a year and from which I don't think I ever fully recovered. More recently I was told I have fibromyalgia, again a diagnosis made by exclusion. My biggest health problem however is something which has dogged me for the whole of my adult life- the Black Dog aka Depression. I have such experience now of psychotropic medication and talking therapies I could write a book! Things are pretty good right now but I am conscious of the need to stay well and expect that the roller-coaster ride is going to take a dip again at some point.
Parenting is the most rewarding and also the hardest thing I have ever done. I am so proud of my children especially as they haven't had an easy ride, a depressed mum and absent dad can't have been easy, but I believe they have always felt loved. The last few years have been a huge strain on our family as my lovely daughter has been a school refuser for several years and she suffers with severe anxiety. She was eventually admitted to a unit for children with mental health problems in January and was finally discharged in July. It was the most amazing place and I feel so grateful that such a facility was available to us. The work we all did was tough and not over yet, but it really has changed things for us. My daughter now has a statement of special educational need(SSEN)and is getting the support she needs. She is back in school full time, the first time she has managed this for three years, although she has gone back a year so she can hopefully do some catching up before moving on to secondary school next September. She isn't 'cured' but has learned ways to manage her worries better and we have learned how to help her more effectively.
As always I have more to say but can't do it all at once, I am looking forward to wherever this takes us next...
Love Janie
I am in my mid-forties, a wife to a secondary school teacher and mum to two children, my son is seventeen and doing A levels, my daughter is eleven and in her final year of primary school. I don't work at the moment and hate to call myself a housewife. It sounds so straightforward, but we all know life never is quite how it seems.
Without boring you with all the details I feel it might be useful to say what I have experience of- these are subjects I may write about over the coming days, months and years.....
I have personal knowledge of birth and death; my own difficult attempts at childbirth and losing my father to cancer when I was nineteen.
I know about following a dream to become a doctor then leaving my career to care for my family. I haven't been able to return to my previous career which has taken a long time to get over. I am still struggling with what to do next, I feel that I have so few skills but am overqualified at the same time. I am hoping this blog and spending time with the lovely Jen will help me find a happy solution to what I should do with my time.
I certainly know what it is like to be a lone parent. I left my career to enable my husband to continue his. Prior to retraining as a teacher in 2010 my husband was an officer in the Royal Marines and away from home for a lot of the time with work. My son was born in Exeter and my daughter was born in Newcastle upon Tyne, although we moved to Cambridge when she was a tiny baby. We didn't want the kids to spend their childhoods moving every couple of years so decided to stay put in Cambridge. I still don't know if this was for the best, we had roots, but not the support of other families in the same situation as us. Both children found it hard to have a dad who wasn't around for ages and then would suddenly appear again. I found it hard.
I also know how important our own health is, my life has been plagued at times by illness, both physical and mental, which has affected those I love the most as well as having a life-changing effect on me. I became ill at the age of twenty-one with ME, commonly called 'yuppie flu' back then, which stopped me in my tracks for over a year and from which I don't think I ever fully recovered. More recently I was told I have fibromyalgia, again a diagnosis made by exclusion. My biggest health problem however is something which has dogged me for the whole of my adult life- the Black Dog aka Depression. I have such experience now of psychotropic medication and talking therapies I could write a book! Things are pretty good right now but I am conscious of the need to stay well and expect that the roller-coaster ride is going to take a dip again at some point.
Parenting is the most rewarding and also the hardest thing I have ever done. I am so proud of my children especially as they haven't had an easy ride, a depressed mum and absent dad can't have been easy, but I believe they have always felt loved. The last few years have been a huge strain on our family as my lovely daughter has been a school refuser for several years and she suffers with severe anxiety. She was eventually admitted to a unit for children with mental health problems in January and was finally discharged in July. It was the most amazing place and I feel so grateful that such a facility was available to us. The work we all did was tough and not over yet, but it really has changed things for us. My daughter now has a statement of special educational need(SSEN)and is getting the support she needs. She is back in school full time, the first time she has managed this for three years, although she has gone back a year so she can hopefully do some catching up before moving on to secondary school next September. She isn't 'cured' but has learned ways to manage her worries better and we have learned how to help her more effectively.
As always I have more to say but can't do it all at once, I am looking forward to wherever this takes us next...
Love Janie
My story - Jen
Hi!
I'm Jen,
and I would like to introduce myself, as that seems to be a fitting way to start of this blog. But I'm finding it harder than I thought.
Where do I begin..?
Let me start from the beginning, without getting too long-winded.
I grew up on a beautiful island in the archipelago of Stockholm, Sweden. Childhood was brilliant!
I spent most of it outdoors, building dens and exploring the woods around where we lived. The air always seemed to be filled with the smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns and pine. Life was good, and easy.. as childhood should be.
When I was nineteen, my closest friend Anna tragically past away from cancer.
This turned my life completely upside down, and from being quite confident and forward, I was now anxious and withdrawn. I spent most of two years in my room.
Looking back, it's clear to see that some counselling would have been helpful, but Swedes are I would say, "work it our yourself" people. And so that's what I tried to do.
My mum tried to help me, as a mother would. She arranged for me to go for weekly "walks" with a neighbour who was a psychiatrist. I'm sure she would have preferred to be seen in her office, getting paid. But that would have meant that I was psychologically unwell, and well that surely couldn't be the case. I just needed to work it out and move on.
The following year my next door neighbour and good friend Martin died from an undiagnosed heart problem. To be honest I can't really remember much from that time. It's a bit of a daze..
I just know that I wasn't your typical girl in her early twenties. Life seemed so fragile to me, I was scared to live.
But life goes on..
Even if in a bit of a blur, and I got a job selling furniture at the local furniture store.
And I was good at it! Who knew there was a chatty sales person hiding in that shadow of a girl.
It was a great boost for my confidence, and I was soon able to buy my own flat. And I started living again.
So when the furniture store decided to get rid of their home accessory department and just concentrate on beds, I started my own company in the same building selling home interiors.
I was now twenty-three years old, a home owner, director of my own company and had a good social life too.
Maybe I HAD managed to work it out for myself..?
Then came the stress.. Keeping up with payments for both the flat and the business.
I still had a good social life. But when the nights came I could not sleep for all the worry. And not sleeping meant I didn't function properly during the days.
It was all too much, too soon. But I felt that I had to keep up the facade.
I didn't want to fail this..
My family soon noticed that things weren't right, as families tend to do. And when I finally told my mum what was going on, she just said - "Don't do anything, unless it's worth it, and makes you happy".
And that's where the next chapter in my life began.
It's not like I needed my mothers permission (No, I do have a dad as well, he's just less vocal), although it's always a welcome support. But it was an eye opener for me. Sometimes you just need a person to say something to make all the little pieces fall in to place. And that was just what happened.
I wasted no time, I sold the flat and all the contents of the store. I paid off my debts and I was now ready for a new start. A new beginning..
Because I had always felt that I had lost the years in my late teens and early twenties staring at the walls in my room I felt that I wanted to make up for that.
One day, hanging the washing it just came to me. I wanted to study at Cambridge!
I wish I could say that I was a total brain box and that Kings college would except my application in a split second. However, that's not the case, and that was never the plan. I wanted to learn English. My mind was made up and I enrolled in a six month English proficiency course at the Anglia Polytechnic, now Anglia Ruskin University.
Coming to Cambridge was exciting,
I'd never even been to England before.
It felt as if God had picked me up in the air and just dropped me down and said - "There you go, now make the most of it". And I did..
As I was new to the town I managed to get completely lost on my first day, trying to find somewhere to eat dinner. I lived on the outskirts of Cambridge and had no sense of direction to where the city centre would be. But I found a pub and that had to do. And as soon as I walked through the door, the young man behind the bar caught my eye, and I thought to myself "There he is. I'm going to marry him".
And I did. The wedding took place in Sweden two years later.
Soon after, our first baby girl "E" was born. And we made a life for ourselves in Cambridge.
Money was tight, but we were, as they say, rich in love. And corny as that might sound, it was true.
And we never doubted that with enough elbow grease and determination, the finances would look up too.
Renting a flat in central Cambridge was a money pit to say the least. We decided to rent a bungalow in a nearby village instead. Soon baby girl number two was born, and with baby "M" the family was complete.
Me and my husband decided together that I was going to stay home with the children while he would work. It was an arrangement that suited us both. Although it meant that we didn't see much of each other, which wasn't always easy.
"E" was no longer a baby and started school, how time flies.
This was when I met my very good friend Janie, who luckily has agreed to write this blog with me. As I feel that although we have our different stories (read Janie's story) and struggles we have the same desire to finding a solution to our problems. And maybe there are people out there, reading this blog, that might get some inspiration, or feel that they can relate to the same dilemmas. But also simply because I like spending time with her.
Anyway, back to where I was. Our daughters went to school together and we soon started organising play dates etc. You know how with some people, it just clicks. That's how it was. Effortless chatting about everything under the sun.
Life seemed to potter on..
Until November 2008, when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
This could not be happening!
I was terrified!
I was a mum, and I needed to be there for my girls.
I wanted to grow old with my husband. What was going on? Was this really happening..?
My family was in Sweden. How could we cope with the logistics of it all. Radio therapy appointments, chemo, bracci therapy, school pick up, looking after 2 year old "M", my husband's work, and the list goes on.
And this is where two angels came to the rescue.
Janie and her mum "J" became our family, that's the only way I can describe it, and helped us looking after the girls, preparing dinners and helping us in any way they could. And for that I will be forever grateful.
And it has also been an inspiration, to help others when they might find themselves in a difficult situation.
I am very happy to say that this is now 6 years on, and I was given the "all clear" last January.
It was terrifying times, but I also learned a lot from it all.
And although it might sound very strange, knowing the outcome, it's an experience that has made me who I am today, and that I wouldn't want to be without.
However, along with the experience and the ability to see life from a different perspective, I was also left with lymphoedema in my right leg due to lymph node removal.
Managing this is something I will write about on this blog, as it can be a lifelong struggle.
My fight with recurrent cellulitis, and the candida, a systemic yeast infection as a result of extensive antibiotic use.
My mission is to find a way to live a happy well-balanced life, in every aspect, and to help others to do the same.
I am a level 3 certified massage therapist currently studying nutrition, which has always been a big love of mine. There will definitely be some healthy mouth-watering recipes, that I hope I can tempt you with.
I also want to write about life after cancer, finding yourself again. moving on, finding inspiration and being happy.
This is nothing I have the answers for, I simply hope that this blog might be a tool to finding some of them and possibly having some fun and helping people on the way too.
It sounds like it would be easy enough to do, when you know just how quickly life can change.
And yet, it's like your stuck.. With one foot in the toffee.
Well, it's time to get "unstuck"!
Love Jen x
I'm Jen,
and I would like to introduce myself, as that seems to be a fitting way to start of this blog. But I'm finding it harder than I thought.
Where do I begin..?
Let me start from the beginning, without getting too long-winded.
I grew up on a beautiful island in the archipelago of Stockholm, Sweden. Childhood was brilliant!
I spent most of it outdoors, building dens and exploring the woods around where we lived. The air always seemed to be filled with the smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns and pine. Life was good, and easy.. as childhood should be.
When I was nineteen, my closest friend Anna tragically past away from cancer.
This turned my life completely upside down, and from being quite confident and forward, I was now anxious and withdrawn. I spent most of two years in my room.
Looking back, it's clear to see that some counselling would have been helpful, but Swedes are I would say, "work it our yourself" people. And so that's what I tried to do.
My mum tried to help me, as a mother would. She arranged for me to go for weekly "walks" with a neighbour who was a psychiatrist. I'm sure she would have preferred to be seen in her office, getting paid. But that would have meant that I was psychologically unwell, and well that surely couldn't be the case. I just needed to work it out and move on.
The following year my next door neighbour and good friend Martin died from an undiagnosed heart problem. To be honest I can't really remember much from that time. It's a bit of a daze..
I just know that I wasn't your typical girl in her early twenties. Life seemed so fragile to me, I was scared to live.
But life goes on..
Even if in a bit of a blur, and I got a job selling furniture at the local furniture store.
And I was good at it! Who knew there was a chatty sales person hiding in that shadow of a girl.
It was a great boost for my confidence, and I was soon able to buy my own flat. And I started living again.
So when the furniture store decided to get rid of their home accessory department and just concentrate on beds, I started my own company in the same building selling home interiors.
I was now twenty-three years old, a home owner, director of my own company and had a good social life too.
Maybe I HAD managed to work it out for myself..?
Then came the stress.. Keeping up with payments for both the flat and the business.
I still had a good social life. But when the nights came I could not sleep for all the worry. And not sleeping meant I didn't function properly during the days.
It was all too much, too soon. But I felt that I had to keep up the facade.
I didn't want to fail this..
My family soon noticed that things weren't right, as families tend to do. And when I finally told my mum what was going on, she just said - "Don't do anything, unless it's worth it, and makes you happy".
And that's where the next chapter in my life began.
It's not like I needed my mothers permission (No, I do have a dad as well, he's just less vocal), although it's always a welcome support. But it was an eye opener for me. Sometimes you just need a person to say something to make all the little pieces fall in to place. And that was just what happened.
I wasted no time, I sold the flat and all the contents of the store. I paid off my debts and I was now ready for a new start. A new beginning..
Because I had always felt that I had lost the years in my late teens and early twenties staring at the walls in my room I felt that I wanted to make up for that.
One day, hanging the washing it just came to me. I wanted to study at Cambridge!
I wish I could say that I was a total brain box and that Kings college would except my application in a split second. However, that's not the case, and that was never the plan. I wanted to learn English. My mind was made up and I enrolled in a six month English proficiency course at the Anglia Polytechnic, now Anglia Ruskin University.
Coming to Cambridge was exciting,
I'd never even been to England before.
It felt as if God had picked me up in the air and just dropped me down and said - "There you go, now make the most of it". And I did..
As I was new to the town I managed to get completely lost on my first day, trying to find somewhere to eat dinner. I lived on the outskirts of Cambridge and had no sense of direction to where the city centre would be. But I found a pub and that had to do. And as soon as I walked through the door, the young man behind the bar caught my eye, and I thought to myself "There he is. I'm going to marry him".
And I did. The wedding took place in Sweden two years later.
Soon after, our first baby girl "E" was born. And we made a life for ourselves in Cambridge.
Money was tight, but we were, as they say, rich in love. And corny as that might sound, it was true.
And we never doubted that with enough elbow grease and determination, the finances would look up too.
Renting a flat in central Cambridge was a money pit to say the least. We decided to rent a bungalow in a nearby village instead. Soon baby girl number two was born, and with baby "M" the family was complete.
Me and my husband decided together that I was going to stay home with the children while he would work. It was an arrangement that suited us both. Although it meant that we didn't see much of each other, which wasn't always easy.
"E" was no longer a baby and started school, how time flies.
This was when I met my very good friend Janie, who luckily has agreed to write this blog with me. As I feel that although we have our different stories (read Janie's story) and struggles we have the same desire to finding a solution to our problems. And maybe there are people out there, reading this blog, that might get some inspiration, or feel that they can relate to the same dilemmas. But also simply because I like spending time with her.
Anyway, back to where I was. Our daughters went to school together and we soon started organising play dates etc. You know how with some people, it just clicks. That's how it was. Effortless chatting about everything under the sun.
Life seemed to potter on..
Until November 2008, when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
This could not be happening!
I was terrified!
I was a mum, and I needed to be there for my girls.
I wanted to grow old with my husband. What was going on? Was this really happening..?
My family was in Sweden. How could we cope with the logistics of it all. Radio therapy appointments, chemo, bracci therapy, school pick up, looking after 2 year old "M", my husband's work, and the list goes on.
And this is where two angels came to the rescue.
Janie and her mum "J" became our family, that's the only way I can describe it, and helped us looking after the girls, preparing dinners and helping us in any way they could. And for that I will be forever grateful.
And it has also been an inspiration, to help others when they might find themselves in a difficult situation.
I am very happy to say that this is now 6 years on, and I was given the "all clear" last January.
It was terrifying times, but I also learned a lot from it all.
And although it might sound very strange, knowing the outcome, it's an experience that has made me who I am today, and that I wouldn't want to be without.
However, along with the experience and the ability to see life from a different perspective, I was also left with lymphoedema in my right leg due to lymph node removal.
Managing this is something I will write about on this blog, as it can be a lifelong struggle.
My fight with recurrent cellulitis, and the candida, a systemic yeast infection as a result of extensive antibiotic use.
My mission is to find a way to live a happy well-balanced life, in every aspect, and to help others to do the same.
I am a level 3 certified massage therapist currently studying nutrition, which has always been a big love of mine. There will definitely be some healthy mouth-watering recipes, that I hope I can tempt you with.
I also want to write about life after cancer, finding yourself again. moving on, finding inspiration and being happy.
This is nothing I have the answers for, I simply hope that this blog might be a tool to finding some of them and possibly having some fun and helping people on the way too.
It sounds like it would be easy enough to do, when you know just how quickly life can change.
And yet, it's like your stuck.. With one foot in the toffee.
Well, it's time to get "unstuck"!
Love Jen x
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