My story - Jen

Hi!

I'm Jen,

and I would like to introduce myself, as that seems to be a fitting way to start of this blog. But I'm finding it harder than I thought.
Where do I begin..?

Let me start from the beginning, without getting too long-winded.

I grew up on a beautiful island in the archipelago of Stockholm, Sweden. Childhood was brilliant!
I spent most of it outdoors, building dens and exploring the woods around where we lived. The air always seemed to be filled with the smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns and pine.  Life was good, and easy.. as childhood should be.

When I was nineteen, my closest friend Anna tragically past away from cancer.
This turned my life completely upside down, and from being quite confident and forward, I was now anxious and withdrawn. I spent most of two years in my room.
Looking back, it's clear to see that some counselling would have been helpful, but Swedes are I would say, "work it our yourself" people. And so that's what I tried to do.

My mum tried to help me, as a mother would. She arranged for me to go for weekly "walks" with a neighbour who was a psychiatrist. I'm sure she would have preferred to be seen in her office, getting paid. But that would have meant that I was psychologically unwell, and well that surely couldn't be the case. I just needed to work it out and move on.

The following year my next door neighbour and good friend Martin died from an undiagnosed heart problem. To be honest I can't really remember much from that time. It's a bit of a daze..
I just know that I wasn't your typical girl in her early twenties. Life seemed so fragile to me,  I was scared to live.

But life goes on..

Even if in a bit of a blur, and I got a job selling furniture at the local furniture store.
And I was good at it! Who knew there was a chatty sales person hiding in that shadow of a girl.
It was a great boost for my confidence, and I was soon able to buy my own flat. And I started living again.

So when the furniture store decided to get rid of their home accessory department and just concentrate on beds, I started my own company in the same building selling home interiors.

I was now twenty-three years old, a home owner, director of my own company and had a good social life too.
Maybe I HAD managed to work it out for myself..?

Then came the stress.. Keeping up with payments for both the flat and the business.
I still had a good social life. But when the nights came I could not sleep for all the worry. And not sleeping meant I didn't function properly during the days.

It was all too much, too soon. But I felt that I had to keep up the facade.
I didn't want to fail this..

My family soon noticed that things weren't right, as families tend to do. And when I finally told my mum what was going on, she just said - "Don't do anything, unless it's worth it, and makes you happy".

And that's where the next chapter in my life began.

It's not like I needed my mothers permission (No, I do have a dad as well, he's just less vocal), although it's always a welcome support. But it was an eye opener for me. Sometimes you just need a person to say something to make all the little pieces fall in to place. And that was just what happened.

I wasted no time, I sold the flat and all the contents of the store. I paid off my debts and I was now ready for a new start. A new beginning..

Because I had always felt that I had lost the years in my late teens and early twenties staring at the walls in my room I felt that I wanted to make up for that.

One day, hanging the washing it just came to me. I wanted to study at Cambridge!
I wish I could say that I was a total brain box and that Kings college would except my application in a split second. However, that's not the case, and that was never the plan. I wanted to learn English. My mind was made up and I enrolled in a six month English proficiency course at the Anglia Polytechnic, now Anglia Ruskin University.

Coming to Cambridge was exciting,

I'd never even been to England before.
It felt as if God had picked me up in the air and just dropped me down and said - "There you go, now make the most of it". And I did..

As I was new to the town I managed to get completely lost on my first day, trying to find somewhere to eat dinner. I lived on the outskirts of Cambridge and had no sense of direction to where the city centre would be. But I found a pub and that had to do. And as soon as I walked through the door, the young man behind the bar caught my eye, and I thought to myself "There he is. I'm going to marry him".
And I did. The wedding took place in Sweden two years later.

Soon after, our first baby girl "E" was born. And we made a life for ourselves in Cambridge.
Money was tight, but we were, as they say, rich in love. And corny as that might sound, it was true.
And we never doubted that with enough elbow grease and determination, the finances would look up too.

Renting a flat in central Cambridge was a money pit to say the least. We decided to rent a bungalow in a nearby village instead. Soon baby girl number two was born, and with baby "M" the family was complete.
Me and my husband decided together that I was going to stay home with the children while he would work. It was an arrangement that suited us both. Although it meant that we didn't see much of each other, which wasn't always easy.

"E" was no longer a baby and started school, how time flies.
This was when I met my very good friend Janie, who luckily has agreed to write this blog with me. As I feel that although we have our different stories (read Janie's story) and struggles we have the same desire to finding a solution  to our problems. And maybe there are people out there, reading this blog, that might get some inspiration, or feel that they can relate to the same dilemmas. But also simply because I like spending time with her.
Anyway, back to where I was.  Our daughters went to school together and we soon started organising play dates etc. You know how with some people, it just clicks. That's how it was. Effortless chatting about everything under the sun.

Life seemed to potter on..

Until November 2008, when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
This could not be happening!
I was terrified!
I was a mum, and I needed to be there for my girls.
I wanted to grow old with my husband. What was going on? Was this really happening..?
My family was in Sweden. How could we cope with the logistics of it all. Radio therapy appointments, chemo, bracci therapy, school pick up, looking after 2 year old "M", my husband's work, and the list goes on.
And this is where two angels came to the rescue.
Janie and her mum "J" became our family, that's the only way I can describe it, and helped us looking after the girls, preparing dinners and helping us in any way they could. And for that I will be forever grateful.
And it has also been an inspiration, to help others when they might find themselves in a difficult situation.

I am very happy to say that this is now 6 years on, and I was given the "all clear" last January.
It was terrifying times, but I also learned a lot from it all.
And although it might sound very strange, knowing the outcome, it's an experience that has made me who I am today, and that I wouldn't want to be without.

However, along with the experience and the ability to see life from a different perspective, I was also left with lymphoedema in my right leg due to lymph node removal.
Managing this is something I will write about on this blog, as it can be a lifelong struggle.
My fight with recurrent cellulitis, and the candida, a systemic yeast infection as a result of extensive antibiotic use.
My mission is to find a way to live a happy well-balanced life, in every aspect, and to help others to do the same.

I am a level 3 certified massage therapist currently studying nutrition, which has always been a big love of mine. There will definitely be some healthy mouth-watering recipes,  that I hope I can tempt you with.

I also want to write about life after cancer, finding yourself again. moving on, finding inspiration and being happy.
This is nothing I have the answers for, I simply hope that this blog might be a tool to finding some of them and possibly having some fun and helping people on the way too.
It sounds like it would be easy enough to do,  when you know just how quickly life can change.
And yet, it's like your stuck.. With one foot in the toffee.
Well, it's time to get "unstuck"!

Love Jen x